Meme: Who would you have a one-to-one with?

Hi all.

Today is a blog linkup from the more emotional side of life. Inspired by the 18th anniversary of my mother losing her fight with cancer. Yes I do go on about it a lot but this year it hit me on the night before i wrote this.

I was stuck on things to say. but as asking friends what they think I had an idea. It's based on old phone adverts "who would you have a one-2-one with?" and it worked well for many here.

So I ask you all If you could have a one to one with one person in your life, you'll have 12 hours with them, then they have to go back to heaven/hell or even drifting away from your friendship again. I'm happy as long as your happy to talk about it.

Paul

Let's begin.

I'll spend my one to one with Mum. Yes. I'm a soppy fucker.

It would begin with taking the kids to school so the girls could show off their awesome nan! and while walking to the school they could talk in person, not just in spirit (she comes and sees the three kids a lot) and play about before school.

On dispatching of the kids I would take her to town, sit and talk, tell her more about TheJess and how we met and all the gossip before doing whatever she wants to while chatting and bonding some more along the way.
Eventually the day would pass and We'd go and pick the kids up so they could meet his awesome nan too.
At home I would show her the weird things I do on the internet, including the sweary stuff. I could do with a mothers telling off. That silly way to show they care would be fab!
Knowing time is running out I would cook a perfect meal of whatever she wanted and do what we should be doing. It would be manic but I hope I've done her proud for the day!
Sadly I know it'll be time to go, so. We hug kiss. Plead for a phone number or email to heaven and say my goodbyes wave her off and have another cry!

Well. That's my story. Tell me yours!

Talking to kids about death.

Credit - Me! 

I was asked how I would approach talking about the death of a loved one, family member, friend or school friend to my children?

Depending on the situation I would try to do it in a way I would understand. Which made me think about how my mum told me she was dying of cancer.

I would happily explain it the way it was explained to me when younger. My mother sat me down, and explained that she was really ill and there was no way to win the fight against it. She explained the cancer in a child friendly way and how  everything would be ok, even if she was not there by our side in body she would be there in spirit. She also explained it would be sad but it would get easier.

If a friend of the kids passed away tonight, I would sit them down and explain to them the situation, if ill. Explain how they could not fight it any more, in a similar way mum explained to me. But if an accident or something they won't understand I would have to be creative, not in a way to lie to them, but to avert the fact their was an accident, in case it was gory or worse. But the truth would come out with minor censorship to protect them if it needed it

When it comes to older children (13) Tell them the truth. It's a lot easier. Ask them if they want to attend the funeral as it could help them understand.

I'm not an expert in any way shape or form but offering my advice for those who want it.

If you have any ways you would do it please drop a comment below, I'm not going to say my methods are perfect, but they worked on me. Hence i share what I know.

Paul

Going through miscarriage? YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

This post is a direct response to my original posting on DadzClub.

And first and foremost I'm not a counsellor. I'm just a bloke with a belly who's gone through miscarriage 4 times in the past. Mileage with my post could vary, as your experiences will also.

I originally wrote the post not thinking it would affect anyone. How wrong was I.

I've been approached by people on twitter, which I had originally mentioned on the post, PM'd on YouTube and my personal email inbox. (wow)

I never thought one post would have such an impact on the community in it's current form, showing that men are in some cases left with little support in such traumatic situations. I understand how this happens but our tough(sic) exterior does not always show what's going on inside.....

I won't lie I think about my four angels and it hurts a damned lot at times, mostly it's happy thoughts, knowing I can look in the sky, happy they are playing with my parents up in the stars, at night I see their 4 stars, brighter than any star ever to show itself off to the world.

Other times it's an emotional train wreck. Similar to the mess my mind drags me into when thinking of my parents. With time pain does die down, but will stay with you. Those little things in life will remind you about it, and you'll cry. Don't fight it. It's OK.

Guys and girls out there If you came looking for advice I'll share some. And it'll be short and sweet (I will keep updating this. I promise)

• You or your partner are not a let down of failure to each other, yourselves or your families. I promise you this now.
• It'll stop hurting, I can't say when, but it will do.
• Be there for each other, it'll make you stronger.
• Don't judge yourself or your partner this is one of the best things I can advise
• if talking to a stranger helps @hooker1uk or hooker1uk@ovi.com
• You are not alone. #TwitterHoldsYourHand #Notalone365 will be there to help you too.

I know I’m not the best person in the world to help all the time, as I’m a walking contradiction at times with my own emotions.(I’ve cried 10-15 times in writing this) But I'll always try my best to help without prejudice or judgement for anyone, regardless of who they are when going through miscarriage.

To my angels.

I love you, I know you'll have a beautiful life, I know you'll be a star. But why In somebody else's sky? Keep the 'rents smiling for me. :D

This image I created a while back says it better than I can. 

listen to this before commenting or going for a stiff drink, it works well while thinking about miscarriage, my partner and being their for her.

Stay strong,

Stay safe

Keep smiling

Paul

The 30 Day Song Challenge. Day 4

Well we are at day 4 of the 30 day song challenge - A song that makes you sad.

This song i cannot listen to, ( I even had to mute it when looking for an embeddable video)

This was played at my mothers funeral service, and since then cannot listen to it deliberately. I'll leave it there for now. - Paul!

Song 4 - Amazing grace - Sung by Nana Mouskouri for Songs Of Praise.

day 01 - your favourite song: Mansun - Legacy
day 02 - your least favourite song: Beatles - Strawberry Fields Forever

day 03 - a song that makes you happy: Green Day - Good riddance (time of your life)
day 04 - a song that makes you sad: Amazing grace.

day 05 - a song that reminds you of someone
day 06 - a song that reminds you of somewhere
day 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event
day 08 - a song that you know all the words to
day 09 - a song that you can dance to
day 10 - a song that makes you fall asleep
day 11 - a song from your favorite band
day 12 - a song from a band you hate
day 13 - a song that is a guilty pleasure
day 14 - a song that no one would expect you to love
day 15 - a song that describes you
day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate
day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio
day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio
day 19 - a song from your favorite album
day 20 - a song that you listen to when you’re angry
day 21 - a song that you listen to when you’re happy
day 22 - a song that you listen to when you’re sad
day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding
day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral
day 25 - a song that makes you laugh
day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument
day 27 - a song that you wish you could play
day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty
day 29 - a song from your childhood
day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year